in the desert

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Janelle Burris

—surprise!

Today I am thankful for technology and for my (for now) functioning laptop. Because, you see, I opened up my iTunes this morning for the first time since I moved back to California (three-ish months) and I am now listening to a bunch of recordings I made of songs I wrote that I completely forgot ever existed.  If I did not have the technology to record these little ditties, they might’ve been lost forever. And that is incredibly sad.  So I’m going to share with you a recording I made that I completely forgot about. It’s actually not an original, it’s a cover of No Suprises by Radiohead that a friend of mine requested for some project about a year ago.  Oh thank you, technology, for keeping the past in the present.

This is home.

This is home.

There must be a reason for all of this.

There must be a reason for all of this.

Making all sorts of decisions these days. And making the decision to not let what other people think of me affect my decision-making is first on the list. A difficult yet necessary task.

Making all sorts of decisions these days. And making the decision to not let what other people think of me affect my decision-making is first on the list. A difficult yet necessary task.

Four years ago I came to terms with the fact that I struggled with fear on a daily basis. Four years ago I read 1 John 4:18, which says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” Four years ago I made this collage which simply says “Love drives out fear” and hung it above my bed so that I could be reminded daily to choose love and not fear. Four years later I still have fears, but they have become smaller and less overwhelming. And four years from now I hope for them to become even smaller.

Four years ago I came to terms with the fact that I struggled with fear on a daily basis. Four years ago I read 1 John 4:18, which says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” Four years ago I made this collage which simply says “Love drives out fear” and hung it above my bed so that I could be reminded daily to choose love and not fear. Four years later I still have fears, but they have become smaller and less overwhelming. And four years from now I hope for them to become even smaller.

Tonight I am filled to the brim with nostalgia. I have been listening to the rough piano mixes that will be on my EP (set to release in a few short months) and I have been reminiscing about the time and place in which I was inspired to write each song. All 5 of the songs that will be on the album were written within the first 6 months I lived in Washington. They all came into existence in their own unique little way, but I’ll give you a sneak preview: the song “If It Was a Lie” was written differently than I’ve written any other song. Normally I write tons and tons of lyrics and then sit down at the piano and make the music conform to the message I am sending. Rarely do I write music and then fit words into it. So here’s the story: My first time attempting to go into Seattle by way of ferry was cut short as my car battery died on the ferry and I was left in a vacant lot to wait for the AAA guy who eventually showed up, started my battery and then informed me that I needed to drive all the way around the Puget Sound to get home because he didn’t know if the battery would start up again. SO, I drove an hour and a half around and while doing so I started singing random melodies and all of a sudden they just started to fit with these words coming out of my mouth and it was like BOOM. We have a song. Well, almost. I actually finished writing all of the lyrics while eating pizza upstairs at Central Market.  These memories are so vivid to me right now, and the longer I am away the stronger the vividness becomes. Vivid. Vivid. Vvvivvviddd. That word is now weird.

Tonight I am filled to the brim with nostalgia. I have been listening to the rough piano mixes that will be on my EP (set to release in a few short months) and I have been reminiscing about the time and place in which I was inspired to write each song. All 5 of the songs that will be on the album were written within the first 6 months I lived in Washington. They all came into existence in their own unique little way, but I’ll give you a sneak preview: the song “If It Was a Lie” was written differently than I’ve written any other song. Normally I write tons and tons of lyrics and then sit down at the piano and make the music conform to the message I am sending. Rarely do I write music and then fit words into it. So here’s the story: My first time attempting to go into Seattle by way of ferry was cut short as my car battery died on the ferry and I was left in a vacant lot to wait for the AAA guy who eventually showed up, started my battery and then informed me that I needed to drive all the way around the Puget Sound to get home because he didn’t know if the battery would start up again. SO, I drove an hour and a half around and while doing so I started singing random melodies and all of a sudden they just started to fit with these words coming out of my mouth and it was like BOOM. We have a song. Well, almost. I actually finished writing all of the lyrics while eating pizza upstairs at Central Market. 

These memories are so vivid to me right now, and the longer I am away the stronger the vividness becomes. Vivid. Vivid. Vvvivvviddd. That word is now weird.

i want to do every single thing ever and all right this second. 

i want to do every single thing ever and all right this second. 

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
burris

—Nothing But the Blood

Even though Easter is “over” in an hour or so, I wanted to share with you a recording I just made of one of my favorite hymns. This is the first time I’ve ever recorded myself on kalimba (african thumb piano) AND egg shaker. It was fun. I hope you enjoy. 

-Nothing but the Blood by Robert Lowry-

p.s. Easter is never really over.  I just meant that tomorrow all the pastel stuff will go on clearance.  Also, I love that these words are just as true on Easter as they are every other day of the year and decade and all of time. 

“It is of great consequence that the student of God’s Word should not only seek his edification from individual texts or passages but that each book should be to him a living and connected organism, all alive with the Spirit that dwells in it. The more we thus take time and trouble to accept the great thoughts of God, the more our lives will be brought to that unity and breadth, in which the purpose of God will be perfectly fulfilled.” - Andrew Murray | The Holiest of All

“It is of great consequence that the student of God’s Word should not only seek his edification from individual texts or passages but that each book should be to him a living and connected organism, all alive with the Spirit that dwells in it. The more we thus take time and trouble to accept the great thoughts of God, the more our lives will be brought to that unity and breadth, in which the purpose of God will be perfectly fulfilled.” - Andrew Murray | The Holiest of All

It has been nearly two weeks since I drove out of that little parking lot, waved goodbye to Grace and Chrissy, departed from the pine-tree-and-raindrops lifestyle and headed towards (literally) browner pastures and sunny skies.  And now, here I am, sitting in the heart of Orange County, surrounded by family and old friends and in n out and mickey mouse and freeways and avocados and hipsters galore.  To be honest I really only care about the first two. And maybe the sixth.  Since returning home I’ve been trying to find a moment (or several hours) to sift through what took place over the course of this past year living in the Evergreen State, but each time I’ve sat down with my journal and pen I just don’t know where to start.  I feel like I went to the grocery store and bought fifty bags of food and now i’m just sitting on my couch staring at the bags, knowing I need to digest all that food at some point or it’ll go bad, but I don’t know what to eat first.  The loaf of bread?  The gummy bears? The organic vegan gluten-free pizza with balsamic drizzle and sun-dried tomatoes? That analogy pretty much collapsed in the middle of me writing it but what I’m trying to say is that this last year was one for the books.  I experienced so much and met so many incredible people whose friendship, I KNOW, was ordained by God.  Am I weird to say that I just feel like there are people in my life who (whom?) I was meant to know? Because there are.  (Pardon my atrocious grammar this evening, I ate too many capers.) But there’s actually a lot of them (kindred spirits) and I don’t know why God’s chosen to bless me in this way but I am inexplicably grateful. I have so much more to say, but I fear I may lash out with some more poorly constructed analogies that will leave you with a giant question mark floating above your head.  Not to mention I just remembered that I made some popcorn about an hour ago and I haven’t eaten it yet. Tsk tsk. But, just so you know, I do miss Seattle.

It has been nearly two weeks since I drove out of that little parking lot, waved goodbye to Grace and Chrissy, departed from the pine-tree-and-raindrops lifestyle and headed towards (literally) browner pastures and sunny skies.  And now, here I am, sitting in the heart of Orange County, surrounded by family and old friends and in n out and mickey mouse and freeways and avocados and hipsters galore.  To be honest I really only care about the first two. And maybe the sixth. 

Since returning home I’ve been trying to find a moment (or several hours) to sift through what took place over the course of this past year living in the Evergreen State, but each time I’ve sat down with my journal and pen I just don’t know where to start.  I feel like I went to the grocery store and bought fifty bags of food and now i’m just sitting on my couch staring at the bags, knowing I need to digest all that food at some point or it’ll go bad, but I don’t know what to eat first.  The loaf of bread?  The gummy bears? The organic vegan gluten-free pizza with balsamic drizzle and sun-dried tomatoes?

That analogy pretty much collapsed in the middle of me writing it but what I’m trying to say is that this last year was one for the books.  I experienced so much and met so many incredible people whose friendship, I KNOW, was ordained by God.  Am I weird to say that I just feel like there are people in my life who (whom?) I was meant to know? Because there are.  (Pardon my atrocious grammar this evening, I ate too many capers.) But there’s actually a lot of them (kindred spirits) and I don’t know why God’s chosen to bless me in this way but I am inexplicably grateful.

I have so much more to say, but I fear I may lash out with some more poorly constructed analogies that will leave you with a giant question mark floating above your head.  Not to mention I just remembered that I made some popcorn about an hour ago and I haven’t eaten it yet. Tsk tsk.

But, just so you know, I do miss Seattle.